Perspectives on Spiritual, Intellectual and Pastoral Issues: Host – Lowell Qualls

Posts tagged ‘Family’

Some of The Keys to UNITY

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  Vacations, unplanned and planned weekend trips, business complications, and book and magazine writing deadline challenges have all contributed to the lack of attention I’ve paid to this blog site.  But I’m back!

I’ve been thinking about UNITY a lot recently.  It’s going to take something extraordinary to bring a sense of unity to our nation, considering the political climate that’s been created in this election season.  That’s challenging enough.  But I’m also aware of churches that are going through leadership crises, and the missing component in many of those church settings is unity.  I’m also aware of many families in crisis – many because parents aren’t unified … and children are alienated from their parents.

Let me talk to you about some keys to unity.

In Amos 3:3 (New Living Translation) you can read it yourself:  “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”

Practically speaking, no … it’s impossible for two or MORE people to walk together without agreeing on a direction.

Agreement is a wonderful thing, presuming, of course, that the group isn’t made up of lemmings.  (I remember seeing a television documentary on the lemming … a sub-arctic rodent … and was amazed.  Lemmings play follow the leader, even if the leader is leading them off a cliff.  I looked up the word “lemming,” and found that it has come to mean, “doomed conformist.”)

When you’ve got LEADERS in a room, the last thing you have to worry about is conformity.  When LEADERS are in a room, the potential for chaos can ratchet up exponentially and precipitously the longer there is silence.  True LEADERS are always ready to fill the silence with an idea, or fill the void if someone doesn’t step forward to point out a direction to go in.

So … when you call together an organization’s leadership council, board of directors, or deaconate … and you say, “In order to be the most effective company, or business or church we can possibly be, we need to take time to talk out ideas, exchange information, or work through solutions to challenges,” that is a good idea!  Board retreats are a good idea.  They hold tremendous potential for forward movement; they can be great morale-boosters.  Board retreats can be occasions to foment strategies, increase effectiveness, and provoke excitement.

But … board retreats can also expose an organization’s weaknesses.  You might find out not only who’s NOT “on board” (pun intended) with the program, but who has an agenda of their own!

I was watching the replay of the US-Spain gold medal basketball game, and I heard this from one of the commentators:  “The United States has always had the best players but, we’ve seen in recent competitions and world championships and Olympics, they didn’t always have the best team.”

Friends … been there, seen that … and it’s painful – to watch a group of people with awesome gifts, be they a men or women sports team, leave an audience scratching their heads in wonder, asking, “How did they lose?  What went wrong??”

I’ve seen companies go bust because they couldn’t decide what to name a widget.  I’ve seen churches in turmoil because they couldn’t agree on what color to paint the nursery.  I’ve seen families torn apart over a few dollars in a last will and testament.  Sad.

On the flip side, I’ve seen companies, organizations, sports teams, families and churches succeed, surpass expectations, thrive, and exceed growth projections.  The DIFFERENCE?  UNITY.  I’m going to share a portion of the Bible with you, and make some applications, on the subject of UNITY.  The Bible has a lot to say about UNITY, but I’m only going to speak from Ephesians 4.

Ephesians 4:1-6 New Living Translation says, Therefore I (Paul), a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.  Always be humble and gentle.  Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.  Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.  For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.  There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

Paul starts this passage by observing:  “You have been called by God.”

Have you ever seen a person in sales that couldn’t sell?  I have.  I’ve seen pastors in the ministry who didn’t like people!!   You don’t stay on the baseball team long if you can’t hit or field the ball … and it has nothing to do with desire.  You can desire all you want.  You won’t succeed.  The kind of success I’m talking about has everything to do with innate talents and giftings that go hand-in-hand with a heart that contains a calling.

If the question of calling is not an issue, then Paul writes, “Always be …”  Those two words are huge.  They imply that you and I have a choice.  “Always be …”

Always be humble.  No false humility allowed.  If you’re good at something, say so … and if you’re not, say so.  Humility involves having an accurate appreciation of who you are … who you really are.  And if you don’t know something about yourself, ask your children.  They’ll tell you more than you want to know.

Always be gentle.  I heard someone say, “Meekness is not weakness.”  Gentleness is “power under control.”  Moses was described as the most gentle man who ever lived – and yet he was able to lead, some estimate, 1,000,000+ Jews out of Egypt.  And Jesus described Himself as “gentle and humble in heart.”  Jesus was anything but weak!

Always be patient.  It takes a strong person to put up with people, and to endure discomfort.  Fighting back is engrained into us.  Personal survival is part of our DNA.  Patience is not only a virtue – it’s a rarity.  But truly patient people tend to be the wisest among us.  They wait for all the facts before making a judgment.  Patient people built the pyramids.

Always make allowances for other people’s faults.  I’ve got a great book – “The Spirituality of Imperfection.”   If you not only know that nobody’s perfect, but you can live with it, you can impact a city.

Always be loving.  “Love is a decision.”  Arranged marriages work because the couple decides to love each other.  And you never wait until you feel like forgiving someone – you’ll never do it!  Love is probably the biggest key to UNITY.

Let me conclude this part of my talk by saying, YOU DON’T EVER WANT TO PRAY:  “Lord, make me humble.  Lord, make me gentle.  Lord, make me patient.  Lord, make me loving.”  You don’t want God to “make you” ANYTHING.  The way He tenderizes people is the same way I tenderize a good steak.  First, from my experience, He’ll say, “Are you SURE you want Me to do the ‘making?’  Why don’t you just go ahead and do the right thing!”  God is the most loving Person in the Universe, and He’s totally trustworthy and kind … but He’s also strong.

Paul concludes with:  Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.  For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.  There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

There’s that CHOICE thing again.  Paul didn’t suggest praying about UNITY.  He said, “Make every effort …”  Don’t you wish UNITY didn’t require effort??  (For you leaders/pastors:  The reason unity is so hard is because LEADERS always think they’re right.  You won’t lead long if you think you’re wrong most of the time.  Leaders are strongly opinionated.  I know that’s true … and I don’t want to hear any more discussion about it!!)

Warren Wiersbe wrote, “Unity … is the responsibility of each person involved … and is a job never done.”

If you’d like to see unity break out in your church, family, business, or board room I’d like to suggest you pray this way:  “Lord, create in ME a clean heart, and renew a right spirit in ME.  Don’t let ME try to get away with waiting for everyone else to get their act together while I choose not to get my act together.  And today, Lord, as I make the effort to keep unified with my compatriots, please add Your blessing to those efforts.  Please make up for my shortcomings with Your grace.  Let Your grace be like humidity.  Even though we can’t see it, we want to feel it.”

My second suggestion is this:  try to be a better listener.

Third, don’t take ownership of an idea.  You’ll just be setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration … and both tear away a UNITY.  Be patient.  Communicate your idea.  Let the group own it.  Don’t be so anxious to get the credit, which is a big part of the ownership issue.  You’ve heard it said, “There is no “I” in TEAM.”  Well, don’t just preach TEAM, live it.  Take “I” out of “I”dea.

Fourth, be HONEST … and be gentle when being honest.  In a group like this it’s probably not a good idea to be “ruthlessly honest,” or “lovingly brutal.”  Be kind.  Be considerate.

Finally … if you need to, FORGIVE the person who offended you at the last meeting.  If they haven’t thought to ask you to forgive them for the offense, do a Jesus-Thing.  He prayed, “Father, forgive them.  They don’t even know what they’re doing.”  And if the offender does come to you and ask for forgiveness, DO IT.  Let the offense go.  Don’t be concerned that your gracious forgiveness will leave you vulnerable to those who would take advantage of you.  I’m not suggesting that you throw caution to the wind when it comes to a habitual offender.  That would not be wise.  All I’m saying is, trust God to cover your back.

April 2008 Update – Dancing With The Healer

Vicki QuallsFor all those who have been following the progress of my writing “The Vicki Book,” I have some news.  I’m really close to finishing the “creative stage” of the process.  Soon I’ll be entering the dreaded “editing stage,” where everything I’ve written is on the block.

I’d like to ask my blog readers for some input.  Please comment on the process I’m going to outline below – one that I believe I’ll follow in order to bring the book-writing to its proper conclusion.

Before I share that process I want to thank Caroline Eitzen-Cocciardi AGAIN for her encouragement to “stay in your creative mind, Lowell,” and not give in to the temptation to constantly go back to what I had already written and edit it (which I had done, time and again until she gave me her wise counsel).

I shared last month that my goal was to have the manuscript done before I went on vacation to Maui.  I didn’t make it.  Plain and simple.  But the goal helped push me like never before.  Now, I’ve set another goal – one that I think I will make.  I’m working on the last 75 pages of Vicki’s journal.  I’ve been able to do about 10 a day (on a good day).  Given that, I’m inside two weeks of coming to the end of the creative stage.  Then, I’ll read the manuscript from start to finish, trying to find any grammar/spelling mistakes, typos, and breakdowns in the flow of the story.  That’s probably another week or two.  Then, the gutsy part.

My intention is to share the manuscript with several close friends who have a writer’s background.  Some are published authors.  Others are journalism majors and masters.  One or two of my pastor-buddies will be asked to look over the theological content, and a few readers will be people who lived through much of what Vicki wrote about – family and friends.  I’ll be asking all these folks if they would evaluate my style, the flow of the story/book, and its content.

Whew!

Like I said at the start, anyone out there in the internet world is welcome to comment on the process I’ve outlined above.

And for those who have been praying for me and the book … please continue to do so.  I’ve seen that when I’VE been in prayer and close communion with the Lord, the process of writing the book becomes mystical and supernatural, and in turn, I’m able to produce much more than normally possible.

I could use some encouragement right now.  I’m tired.  I feel emotionally spent at the end of every day.  Thank God for Becky!  She’s been such a supporter and helper.  I can’t think of a day when she hasn’t been there for me.  But most of the time she’s been a single (lone) voice.  Is there anyone out there who could join her?

Well, back to writing the book.

By the way, the blogging has rarely (I can’t say never) interrupted my writing the book.  Actually, blogging has served to break tension, relieve emotions, and strangely – rest my mind.  Blogging has been like having a conversation with a friend who’s only purpose has been to listen as I vent or wade through issues that distract me.

Love to all.

Saint Mobes

Jim Moberg is a saint.  You may have never heard of him, but he’s a saint nonetheless, and I say that, beautifying him, because he has taken hospitality to a saintly level.

At Jim’s place, what’s his is yours.  Need a bed?  Done.  Need a meal?  Pull up a chair.  Need some conversation?  You got it.  Need an internet connection?  Plug in.

mobes-at-kaanapali.jpgThis hospitality thing in Jim’s life could have come from good genetics, but it didn’t.  His gift came from a new birth – a second birth.  If he were so bold, Jim would tell you that he’s generous because he’s been the recipient of God’s love, forgiveness, and grace.

His face may never adorn a cathedral’s façade, but that doesn’t matter to Jim.  He may never receive a Nobel for showing warmth and kindness, but Jim won’t lose any sleep over it.  He’s got something better than fame or reward.  He’s got satisfaction.  What Mick Jagger complained he could “get no,” Jim has by the boat load.  And he’s hospitable for the best of reasons.  Jim’s a Jesus freak.

When he reads this – my tribute – Jim’ll blush a little and say, “It’s no big deal.”  But it is.  It is a big deal, Jim!  You enrich the planet.  You model the love and grace of God.  You’re a good friend.  If you worked on your ping-pong, you might be perfect.  Ha!  Kidding aside, I wish Jim could bottle his version – his recipe – for hospitality.  You’d love its taste.  It goes down sweet and smooth, and refreshes its recipients to the bone.

Good for you, Mobes!  You’re the best.

Oh, and can I come back?

(St. Mobes is the guy on the right … with Ryan, Brandon, and me) 

Loving You … and More

img_1302.jpgThe greatest thing we can do in life is love.  There are three qualities of life that make living wonderful and human – faith, hope and love … but “the greatest of these is love.”  Faith allows us to live above the normal tenors and tones; hope is the stuff of confident and believable dreams.  But love ties us to other time travelers with cords of immeasurable strength, deeper emotion, and superior thought.

Can love be commanded, or demanded of us?  Some think not.  Maybe most think not …  And so, if someone were to command love, or command anything, there are those who would resist loving, or whatever, just to retain control of their life.  But, arguably, the greatest Man to ever live said that we are commanded to love – and we are to do it in ways that bring love its fullest expression and fulfillment.

That  Man, Jesus Christ, was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?” and He replied that the greatest commandment was to love God.  He then volunteered the second greatest commandment:  to love our neighbors.  He concluded that all the commandments (to not steal, murder, lie, covet, etc.) hung on these two – loving God and loving our neighbors.

Some people think Jesus actually suggested a third commandment when He said that we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves.  The actual quote is “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

But Jesus was not saying, or commanding, that we should love our selves.  He was just pointing out that we should love our neighbors … anyone who crosses our path in life … to the same degree that we love ourselves because He knew that no human being (generally speaking) would have a problem loving themselves. 

I really want to explore what it means to “love” God, and I’ll do that in another column, but today I want to write about loving others.

We humans long to be loved, and give love.  Like a puzzle lacking its most significant piece, we have a hole in our hearts that is shaped for love.  We have it in our DNA – to be loved by someone, and to express love to someone.  Like boiling water in a tea kettle on a hot stove, we want – we must release this pent up something … this emotion that is in us and of us.  And we want to have love returned to us in a genuine way.  And that is a key thought, too, don’t you think?  Don’t we all want to be genuinely loved and authentically love someone else?

That said, you might think that loving others comes naturally. … but it doesn’t.  Loving is an acquired taste.  But once it is delightfully experienced, it’s addictive.  Loving others is a learned skill.  So, I suggest that if it wasn’t commanded, we might only drink in love, hoping not to spill a precious drop.  (For example, if parents don’t model it, children won’t do it naturally, because it’s MORE natural to be self-centered and selfish.  With our first infancy cry, we demand to be taken care of.  From birth WE COMMAND others to love us, and we do so with our incessant grasping and howling.)  Loving, like sharing, must be taught.

My Mom and Dad, Retha and Claude, loved each other, and in so doing created an atmosphere in our home that encouraged loving.  We saw their love, felt their love, and then wanted what they had.  That’s when they began the teaching process.  Mom and Dad taught us to love.

Got a question for you.  In all our talking about love, are we first loving?

Think about it.

(pictured above – Brandon, April 1, 2008)